WEEK 2
it’s go time!!!
It was a wild week of close calls and ‘Wicked Haaard’ beatdowns. The Week 2 Commish Report is here with all the storylines collected under one roof.
Put on the smooth jazz, take an extra drag of that Virginia Slim and prepare your heart for all the excitement that lies ahead.
Week 2 Challenge: Wrong Move - Team with the highest scoring bench
Winner: Hurricane Ditka with 118
Luke’s Leftovers (127) -vs- Hurricane Ditka (126)
A big matchup in the East as these two teams looked to rally their squads to avoid the dreadful 0-2 start. A genuine nail biter to the bitter end filled with excitement, heartbreak and a twist more sinister than this year's profit sharing announcements. Lamar Jackson lit up the scoreboard like a Christmas tree as he banged out a cool 59 points to give Luke's Leftover's a decisive advantage early on. Faced with a huge deficit, Hurricane leaned on name brand receivers Tee Higgins and Ja'Marr Chase to step up and deliver. They drew pedestrian points but it wasn't quite enough to compete in the space. There wasn't much help from the rest of the roster as Rashaad Penny was a non factor and Jerry Jeudy fell early to injury. Leftovers maintained a healthy distance on the scoreboard as D'Andre Swift and Najee Harris earned satisfying double digit points and put the proverbial nail in the coffin. Everything appeared to be in the bag for Leftovers as they headed into Monday night with a 55 point lead. But a storm was brewing on the horizon as Jalen Hurts and Dallas Goedert took the field. They quickly and steadily drove up Hurricane's numbers and with minutes left late in the fourth quarter the Cinderella miracle was a reality as Hurricane gained a marginal point lead. It was another crushing defeat in the books for Leftovers until a poorly timed pass from Hurts resulted in an interception and dropped Hurricane down two points and swung the the score back in Leftovers' favor. We haven't seen this kind of rollercoaster drama since Saban's Summit scheduling fiasco. Leftovers broke the seal to get his first W on the season while Hurricane has to bear the crushing defeat of a tough fought battle.
Party Like A Gronkstar (83) -vs- America’s Fantasy Coach (187.5)
Fresh off a 1-0 start, America's Fantasy Coach kept the momentum rolling with a big outing in Thursday night's game as their beloved Chargers took to both the physical and digital fields. Despite a couple INTs - complimented with a pair of cracked ribs - Justin Herbert turned in a dynamite 34 point performance followed by another 27 tacked on by Mike Williams. It was a big lead going into the weekend, but the points party was truly just getting started. A different kind of party was taking place on the other sideline as Party was performing his best Urban Meyer impression and running a game plan that operated with more disfunction than a Jeff Williams payroll training seminar. It started with Trey Lance getting carted off the field with a season ending injury. If that wasn't bad enough, Mike Evans followed up Floyd Mayweather style with a couple haymakers mid game that earned him a fast pass to the locker room. But the spiraling nightmare wasn't over yet as the team struggled to find any kind of points in what seemed like a mean spirited game of hide and seek. Apparently living in some kind of favor from on High, Coach continued to turn in outstanding performances from Mark Andrews and Tyreek Hill who dropped 52 points and gave Coach a massive win margin that'll make the O'Conner case look like amateur hour. Let's not only congratulate Coach for the W but also hitting the age his body has looked for the past 8 years. Happy 40 buddy!!
The Davante Code (98) -vs- Skipping Deebo (121.5)
The box score doesn't reflect just how close this down and dirty, David vs Goliath matchup was. With injuries plaguing Alvin Kamara and JK Dobbins, Code did their best to plug the lineup with whatever warm body would give them the best chance against a dominant force in the West. When it was time to take the field, Code's strategy saw early signs of success as Justin Palmer, Curtis Samuel and Pat Freiermuth got them off to head start. But Skipping stayed toe to toe with solid performances from Michael Thomas and Marquise Brown. They got the most bang for their 'Buc' as Tampa Bay's defense delivered a 25 point blow to the scoreboard that moved them into position to cash in on the W. Unfortunately Jonathan Taylor was shakier than our draft night internet and flopped a measly 6 points up on the scoreboard to keep the game hanging in the balance. The window for Code to seize the victory rested on the shoulders of pro-bowl receivers CeeDee Lamb and Davante Adams in an afternoon that held so much promise. Surprisingly, they would've had more success catching balls with a pair of bionic hands than the lackluster performances they handed over with the gifts the Lord gave them. By the time Sunday night came around it was the Aaron Rogers show as he returned to traditional form with a 22 point total that secured the W for Skipping.
Rollin Without Mahomes (197) -vs- Blind Leading The Blind (112.5)
After a disappointing Week 1 loss, Blind made immediate lineup changes to account for injuries and point potential - the biggest move was calling star RB Cordarelle Patterson up to active duty. It also earned high marks in the Father-in Law department from Mr Jean. But with all this energy and movement, the gameplay started out with a disaster more egregious than Anthony ONeal's 'Single's Mansion' - starting the inactive Harrison Butker. Hello $5 fine!! Maybe a sign of the things to come. On the other hand, Rollin wasted ZERO time tossing points on the board as the WR threats of Waddle, St. Brown, and Kupp ripped out a combined 110 points. Blind barely managed to stay competitive as the majority of the roster, including Patterson, could barely slap any kind of numbers together. The only workhorses out on the field were Aaron Jones and the Bills D, but even they couldn't shoulder the crushing weight of the points Rollin was piling on with Nick Chubb and Miles Sanders. There was no escape from this biblical beatdown that continued to solidify Rollin's command in the league. The scarier news is even with this kind of output there was 112 points left on the bench.
Captain Carl (99) -vs- Ju-Juke Skyywalker (156)
Week Two meant a clean slate for Captain and the Carls as they hoped to shake off an embarrassing opening day loss and return to championship form. It would be an uphill battle against a red hot opponent though as star wideouts Keenan Allen and Gabe Davis were both sidelined with injuries. Ju-Juke Skyywalker (yep, that double 'Y' is still there folks) apparently skipped the FPU lesson on diversification and went hot and heavy Hogan style on all things Kansas City in his lineup. With five starters taking the field Thursday night, the stands were incredibly curious how this 'Ish' approach would work. When the final seconds ticked away Skyywalker had a size-able 72 point advantage heading into the weekend. But unlike the great Christianity Today debacle of 2021, we didn't want to jump to any premature assumptions. Come Sunday, Captain slowly chipped away at the lead with above average outings by Christian McCaffery and Jakobi Meyers. Feeling good about the positive momentum, it looked like the gap would close with James Connor and Javonte Williams taking the field late in the day. But injury continued to plague Captain as Connor was knocked out early with ankle issues. Despite last ditch efforts by Matthew Stafford there wasn't much life left in Captain's team as victory was slipping away. Skyywalker swept in for the kill and dropped another 72 points on the board with with Drake London and the human highlight reel, Stefon Diggs. A disappointing start for Cap but we'll see if the champ can spin this season around in Week 3. But 'to be transparent' these are odds even Vegas doesn't want you to take.
The Suck Bus (123.5) -vs- Yellow Pages (82)
The most uneventful matchup this week was between two teams who appeared less interested in winning and more concerned with squeezing in a Sunday afternoon nap. Pages continued to see very little output from the big $60+ spend on Dalvin Cook who has yet to make any effort towards drawing that kind of value. However, he wasn't the worst offender in the lineup. Already on thin ice from inactive starters last season, we had to cross check some sources to confirm that while both DJ Chark and Okwuegbunam dumped donuts on Pages' scoreboard, they were both very much active this week. Suck wasn't doing much better on their side of the field with a fleet of RBs boasting the likes of Joe Mixon, Zeke and Josh Jacobs who would've had more success warming benches than putting their legs to work on the turf. Fortunately the air game was a little more favorable as Courtland Sutton and Zach Ertz collected a fair amount of points. It all came down to a Monday night matchup to see if Suck's Josh Allen and Pages' Justin Jefferson could live up to their outrageous week one performance numbers and give one of these teams an edge - or would Netwon's law of gravity take over and bring everyone back down to ground level. For Justin Jefferson the fall hit harder than the latest round of board member turnovers as he barely cracked double digits. Pages was left watching helplessly as Allen tore a hole through the atmosphere and shot Suck's points sky high to give them the victory.